T'was the EVE of Ascension and all thru the cluster,
Pilots were waiting with all the patience they could muster.
Injectors were hung on the markets with care,
With hopes that fresh blood with money to spare,
Would soon come by and snap up all the deals,
And provide low/null/wormhole sec with fresh meals.
Eager builders waited in Cranes and Viators,
Others in speedy Prowlers and Prorators,
For Raitaru, Azbel, and Soyuito blueprints to come,
To be built and sold for lots of income.
Oh, t'was the EVE ascension and everyone debated,
If hordes of fresh faces or bitter vets awaited,
The day when EVE could be played without credit,
And if glowing reports of fun would be posted on Reddit.
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Monday, November 14, 2016
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Kirith's Annotated Cal-Gal FW Map
 |
| Click for full size. |
(TAMA. IS. SAFE!)
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Fleet Commander Credo
Fear is the joy killer.
You are flying spaceships made of pixels that someone else actually owns.
Death is temporary.
Let go of the fear.
I will run the fleet from fights I know we cannot hope to win;
I will attack enemies I know we will crush in victory.
In between those extremes lies glory and adrenaline.
Fire on the primary.
You are flying spaceships made of pixels that someone else actually owns.
Death is temporary.
Let go of the fear.
I will run the fleet from fights I know we cannot hope to win;
I will attack enemies I know we will crush in victory.
In between those extremes lies glory and adrenaline.
Fire on the primary.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Trash Talking
One thing to come out of 2014 in the Gallente-Caldari warzone is watching Templis CALSF alliance develop on a path from an entity with some noticeable issues into a more competent CalMil powerhouse. And along with that maturity comes confidence to troll their opponents.
We, of course, counter-trolled:
(Link one is the Gallente Federation killboard stats, link two is the Caldari State militia stats)
See you in space, Templis :)
We, of course, counter-trolled:
(Link one is the Gallente Federation killboard stats, link two is the Caldari State militia stats)
See you in space, Templis :)
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Apropos of Nothing, Here is a Lego Star Destroyer with My Kids
Bonus question: can you determine which two are the 6 year old twins and which one is the four year old "little" brother?
Friday, July 18, 2014
Wednesday, March 05, 2014
CSM 8, You Have Failed This Blogger
I hold all Councils of Stellar Management to the same high bar for measuring their success and I'm sad to report that CSM 8, like CSMs 1-7, have failed.
Why?
Very simple.
The Crucified changed from this:
To this:
The Tristan which didn't need an update is changing from this:
This this:
But the Moa? THE MOA?!?! Still looks like this:
CSM 8, you have failed this blogger.
* * * * *
P.S. While we're at it, you are also failing for this long running crusade:
What the heck do we pay you guys for anyways!?!?
Why?
Very simple.
The Crucified changed from this:
To this:
The Tristan which didn't need an update is changing from this:
But the Moa? THE MOA?!?! Still looks like this:
CSM 8, you have failed this blogger.
* * * * *
P.S. While we're at it, you are also failing for this long running crusade:
What the heck do we pay you guys for anyways!?!?
Tuesday, March 04, 2014
50
February was good to me.
The fleets I organized and led had a few good fights almost every outing along with a number of straight up ganks and I finished the month with an even 50 killmails associated to my name, my highest ever in 7+ years of PvP. My previous high was September last year with 44 killmails.
HA! You are proud of that?! I can get 50 killmails in a night!
Yes, I know you can. I have heard it all before. But everyone has different playstyles, environments, and constraints and for my life 50 is a big number. Consider, I get time to sit down and PvP one night a week, for 2-2.5 hours, maybe 3 in a pinch. We'll round down to 2 to take into account fleet setup time and miscellaneous tasks. There are about four times in a month I can do this, so say 8 hours of PvP per month.
In low sec, really big fights are rare but you will see fairly frequent fights of 10-15 ships per side. More often its smaller than that. In a two hour patrol/roam we might get one of those larger fights but its never down to the last ship; usually the losing side takes four or five losses as they get out.
So in order to hit 50 kills in a month for me I need about 6-7 kills every time I log in for a night. Some nights that is easy, like this past Sunday (which was part of March, natch). Other nights its really hard as everyone seems to be busy some Sunday nights.
So why do you not log in more often? All I hear is excuses for your suckitude.
Who the hell let this guy in here anyway? To answer the belligerent question, I decided a long time ago to balance my life between various facets and we all know that EVE can be a time suck unlike any other. My days are occupied with work and raising kids and my evenings are mostly given over to relaxing with my wife and occasionally other hobbies like the podcast (which has languished this month admittedly), Call of Duty, Civ V, etc.
What you are saying is that you suck on purpose. Unlike that awesome and handsome blogger Rixx Javix whose battleclinic ranking is amazing... What's your ranking again?
Hey! Rixx, is that you?! WHO THE HELL LET RIXX IN HERE?
The fleets I organized and led had a few good fights almost every outing along with a number of straight up ganks and I finished the month with an even 50 killmails associated to my name, my highest ever in 7+ years of PvP. My previous high was September last year with 44 killmails.
HA! You are proud of that?! I can get 50 killmails in a night!
Yes, I know you can. I have heard it all before. But everyone has different playstyles, environments, and constraints and for my life 50 is a big number. Consider, I get time to sit down and PvP one night a week, for 2-2.5 hours, maybe 3 in a pinch. We'll round down to 2 to take into account fleet setup time and miscellaneous tasks. There are about four times in a month I can do this, so say 8 hours of PvP per month.
In low sec, really big fights are rare but you will see fairly frequent fights of 10-15 ships per side. More often its smaller than that. In a two hour patrol/roam we might get one of those larger fights but its never down to the last ship; usually the losing side takes four or five losses as they get out.
So in order to hit 50 kills in a month for me I need about 6-7 kills every time I log in for a night. Some nights that is easy, like this past Sunday (which was part of March, natch). Other nights its really hard as everyone seems to be busy some Sunday nights.
So why do you not log in more often? All I hear is excuses for your suckitude.
Who the hell let this guy in here anyway? To answer the belligerent question, I decided a long time ago to balance my life between various facets and we all know that EVE can be a time suck unlike any other. My days are occupied with work and raising kids and my evenings are mostly given over to relaxing with my wife and occasionally other hobbies like the podcast (which has languished this month admittedly), Call of Duty, Civ V, etc.
What you are saying is that you suck on purpose. Unlike that awesome and handsome blogger Rixx Javix whose battleclinic ranking is amazing... What's your ranking again?
Hey! Rixx, is that you?! WHO THE HELL LET RIXX IN HERE?
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means
"Epic"? That's not epic. That's a skirmish. This is epic:
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Veteran Classification
In the beginning, we enter Eve as wide eyed neophytes with nary a clue or inkling of the vast universe of possibilities and evil machinations. After a while you become more aware of what's going on and enter the
After a certain point, about 6-8 months in, a player in Eve moves to the convert stage (or they leave in frustration). The convert believes in the game and understands the major workings he is familiar with, but there is still a lot of mystery and wonder.
After the second year or so the convert has seen a lot more of Eve and moves into the professional phase, a player that has mastered his main area of interest and has passing knowledge of other areas or knows people who do.
But then, after that third year birthday passes, they become a veteran. They've been around for at least five expansions, two major CCP screwups, at least one controversy, and a handful of metagame drama... all that changes a mind, not always for the better. Veterans come in many shapes in sizes and this post will list the various archetypes the veteran form can take.
Bitter Vet
The most well known type of veteran is of course the Bitter Vet. The glorious beauty of space vistas and gleaming spaceships in a universe of complexity and options has been marred by the frustrations and occasional broken cogs. They can't quite quit, but they don't really play either. They stay subscribed, update skill queues, log in for some big events or CTAs, but really spend most of their time kvetching on forums about how much the game sucks and everything CCP does wrong.
Addict
The addict has become so enamoured with Eve and all its possibilities and combinations that they log in every chance they get. They often have multiple accounts, like many veterans, but they have more than normal. They multibox at all times and are often the drivers behind major components of alliances and corporations.
There are two sub-types of the Addict veteran, let's look at them separately.
==> Functional Addict
This type has allowed Eve to dominate their hobbies, but they still manage to go to work, raise a family, keep a partner happy, and generally are considered well adjusted. But every free moment of time they are logged into Eve. Every free thinking minute is spent pondering what to do in Eve next. This puts strain on the other aspects of their life but they manage to make it work. Mostly.
==> Dysfunctional Addict
But when the interest turns to obsession, things start to fall apart. Their coworkers notice a drop in productivity, all other hobbies and sports are left behind, and family members interrupt the player at risk of verbal and emotional abuse. This situation cannot last and as real life destructs around them, the addict either runs out of money or finally breaks free. Or both.
Metagamer
The metagamer veteran is kind of like a benign bitter vet: they don't log in and play so much but they enjoy the players they chat to in channels in game, twitter, blogs, forums, and in extreme cases podcasts. The social aspect has come to dominate their Eve experience and due to the relationships they have developed they cannot quit. They tend to become very bad pilots as time goes on, reference Siesmic Stan of the Freebooted blog.
Casual
The veterans who consider themselves casual are just as long term players as the rest but tend to operate at a slower pace. They log in infrequently in comparison and/or play shorter sessions. Due to the casual nature, they tend to be in solo or small corps with little in the way of in game responsibility, no usually no null sec for them.
There are two subtypes:
==> Casual Casual
The casual casual player logs in for fun, does some mining or missions, maybe a bit of PvP, but does not follow the metagame much and is not usually an expert in any areas.
==> Hardcore Casual
In contrast, the hardcore casual has enthusiasm for the game similar to the Addict veteran but simply plays less due to real life obligations or amazing self control.
* * * * *
Did I miss any? More importantly, where do you fit in?
After a certain point, about 6-8 months in, a player in Eve moves to the convert stage (or they leave in frustration). The convert believes in the game and understands the major workings he is familiar with, but there is still a lot of mystery and wonder.
After the second year or so the convert has seen a lot more of Eve and moves into the professional phase, a player that has mastered his main area of interest and has passing knowledge of other areas or knows people who do.
But then, after that third year birthday passes, they become a veteran. They've been around for at least five expansions, two major CCP screwups, at least one controversy, and a handful of metagame drama... all that changes a mind, not always for the better. Veterans come in many shapes in sizes and this post will list the various archetypes the veteran form can take.
Bitter Vet
The most well known type of veteran is of course the Bitter Vet. The glorious beauty of space vistas and gleaming spaceships in a universe of complexity and options has been marred by the frustrations and occasional broken cogs. They can't quite quit, but they don't really play either. They stay subscribed, update skill queues, log in for some big events or CTAs, but really spend most of their time kvetching on forums about how much the game sucks and everything CCP does wrong.
Addict
The addict has become so enamoured with Eve and all its possibilities and combinations that they log in every chance they get. They often have multiple accounts, like many veterans, but they have more than normal. They multibox at all times and are often the drivers behind major components of alliances and corporations.
There are two sub-types of the Addict veteran, let's look at them separately.
==> Functional Addict
This type has allowed Eve to dominate their hobbies, but they still manage to go to work, raise a family, keep a partner happy, and generally are considered well adjusted. But every free moment of time they are logged into Eve. Every free thinking minute is spent pondering what to do in Eve next. This puts strain on the other aspects of their life but they manage to make it work. Mostly.
==> Dysfunctional Addict
But when the interest turns to obsession, things start to fall apart. Their coworkers notice a drop in productivity, all other hobbies and sports are left behind, and family members interrupt the player at risk of verbal and emotional abuse. This situation cannot last and as real life destructs around them, the addict either runs out of money or finally breaks free. Or both.
Metagamer
The metagamer veteran is kind of like a benign bitter vet: they don't log in and play so much but they enjoy the players they chat to in channels in game, twitter, blogs, forums, and in extreme cases podcasts. The social aspect has come to dominate their Eve experience and due to the relationships they have developed they cannot quit. They tend to become very bad pilots as time goes on, reference Siesmic Stan of the Freebooted blog.
Casual
The veterans who consider themselves casual are just as long term players as the rest but tend to operate at a slower pace. They log in infrequently in comparison and/or play shorter sessions. Due to the casual nature, they tend to be in solo or small corps with little in the way of in game responsibility, no usually no null sec for them.
There are two subtypes:
==> Casual Casual
The casual casual player logs in for fun, does some mining or missions, maybe a bit of PvP, but does not follow the metagame much and is not usually an expert in any areas.
==> Hardcore Casual
In contrast, the hardcore casual has enthusiasm for the game similar to the Addict veteran but simply plays less due to real life obligations or amazing self control.
* * * * *
Did I miss any? More importantly, where do you fit in?
Friday, May 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The Pause Before The Storm
Fanfest is almost here. People are making their way to the volcanic island in the North Atlantic where ten years ago Eve Online was birthed. I am not one of them. Sigh.
I'm sure there will be a to talk about during and after fanfest but due to my twins 5th birthday tomorrow and preparations for their party on the weekend, I'll be out of touch for the rest of the week. For now, pictures of the birthday boys from crazy hair day at school:
Next week: Fanfest announcements analysis!
I'm sure there will be a to talk about during and after fanfest but due to my twins 5th birthday tomorrow and preparations for their party on the weekend, I'll be out of touch for the rest of the week. For now, pictures of the birthday boys from crazy hair day at school:
Next week: Fanfest announcements analysis!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
The CSM Yule Lads
13 Yule Lads? 13 CSM Members? NOT A COINCIDENCE!
Elise Randolph: Sheep-Cote Clod
Greene Lee: Candle Stealer
Trebor Daehdoow: Gully Gawk
Kelduum Revaan: Pot Licker
Seleene: Bowl Licker
UAxDEATH: Spoon Licker
Hans Jagerblitzen: Door Slammer
Meissa Anunthiel: Doorway Sniffer
Dovinian: Stubby
Issler Dainze: Skyr Gobbler
Alekseyev Karrde: Meat Hook
Darius III: Window Peeper
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Echo Chamber Meta
Why is Rixx so short?
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
CSM7, We Have A Problem
I'm calling you out CSM7. You have let me down. You have let the entire playerbase down.
Your failure is being cataloged as one of the worst in all of CSM history. How you could stand by and let this travesty stand without a word in protest is explainable. And Unacceptable. You should all resign RIGHT NOW.
What am I talking about? WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT!? YOU FOOLS!
I'm talking about this!
And THIS!
You get it now, CSM7!
What do you mean "what's wrong with them"? NOTHING is wrong with the new Stabber and Vagabond models. They are beautiful updates on a an old hull. Incredible kudos to the art department for their work, I can't wait to sit in them.
The problem is, you obtuse representatives, is this:
AND THIS TRAVESTY:
How could you let them update the Stabber, which was not all that bad to begin with, honestly, and yet not insist, nay DEMAND, an update to the ship that causes more damage to the enemy through its looks alone than its weapon systems!?
Your failure is being cataloged as one of the worst in all of CSM history. How you could stand by and let this travesty stand without a word in protest is explainable. And Unacceptable. You should all resign RIGHT NOW.
What am I talking about? WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT!? YOU FOOLS!
I'm talking about this!
And THIS!
You get it now, CSM7!
What do you mean "what's wrong with them"? NOTHING is wrong with the new Stabber and Vagabond models. They are beautiful updates on a an old hull. Incredible kudos to the art department for their work, I can't wait to sit in them.
The problem is, you obtuse representatives, is this:
AND THIS TRAVESTY:
How could you let them update the Stabber, which was not all that bad to begin with, honestly, and yet not insist, nay DEMAND, an update to the ship that causes more damage to the enemy through its looks alone than its weapon systems!?
THIS SHALL NOT STAND CSM7. I'LL HAVE YOUR JOBS FOR THIS FAILURE.1
1 - I have no authority to take your jobs.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Swamped!
Every once in a while my real life, work life, and Eve life conspire to swamp me. Thus, light posting this week. I still hope to get another part of the Fiction Friday out tomorrow and a podcast recorded tonight, and if all goes well I will be out hunting Arydanika and Marcosaurus in Mara Sunday night.
In the meantime, I'm going home to spend some time with Mrs Kodachi:
 |
| Grudge activated. |
In the meantime, I'm going home to spend some time with Mrs Kodachi:
 |
| Mrs Kodachi does not know I was the pirate who took her money. |
Friday, January 13, 2012
The Origin of Honour Tanking
You ever hear someone talk about "honour tanking" in a joking manner in Eve? Essentially it means to have no tank whatsoever in a combat situation and is especially relevant if your low slots are filled with cargohold expanders.
Do you wonder where that expression came from? Well, let me point you to an Eve Tribune article I'm going to reprint here for prosperity's sake.
Nightmare: http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=126530
Revelation: http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=126531
The reason a lot of mods are missing is that as the game updates and ids get changed, old killmails with different module names become lost as a result.
EDIT: I got this in my inbox, shame on me.
When this happened I was in the same corporation as Scius, Omen Incorporated, and I logged in an hour after this and was immediately told "don't say anything in alliance chat! They are furious with us right now" because we let this idiot into our corp and thus tarred the whole alliance with a bad rep.
Our CEO salvaged the situation by tossing Scius and his sponsor out of the corporation but the meme had been created and "honour tanking" is forever part of the game's lexicon.
I was there... sorta. After the fact. But close!
Do you wonder where that expression came from? Well, let me point you to an Eve Tribune article I'm going to reprint here for prosperity's sake.
[Apologies for the broken killboard link, I'll see if I can find a replacement... here we go!Scius and the Dreadnaught
The tale of the worst pilot in Eve
Many people call themselves great PVPers for a number of reasons. Some point to amazing killboard statistics, while others boast about how many systems their troops have conquered. Others snicker and roam about with dampening warp stabbed ravens and somehow absolutely murder people.
This is not their story.
This is the story of Scius, which upon Friday, August 24 was a proud member of Omen Incorporated, a new corporation that had joined the 0.0 based alliance Exuro Mortis. He was well regarded with a fairly decent corp history stretching back quite a while. He had a pretty fair amount of personal wealth, and could fly a Dreadnaught. A player like this normally would be quite an asset to any alliance.
Nobody knew that he was a complete and utter noob with an account he purchased from a respected veteran. Nobody also knew that he’d be such a world class fuckup.
Early that morning, he flew his faction-equipped Nightmare-class Faction Battleship (With 5 Billion Isk Officer Fittings) into Aunenen, a notoriously dangerous 0.4 security system. He didn’t use a scout or even ask what was there. He somehow got caught and killed by a Mothership on the other side after foolishly trying to engage it. Never once did the thought of warping off before the horribly awkward ship could lock and get a warp disruptor on him. Never once did he think of flying back to the gate and going home. He went down like a bitch.
Later, he would comment on it casually onto alliance chat.
[02:21:32] Scius > There's a mothership camp in Aunenen.
[02:23:35 ] Scius > Mr Xtreme
[02:23:43 ] Scius > He has the Nyx.
Okay. Fair enough. Thanks for telling us what was going on 90 jumps from where the rest of the alliance was. We don’t care.
[02:23:49] Scius > I went out with my dread and went down shooting.
…
http://killboard.eve-triumvirate.com/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=51051
What the fuck!?
This heroic defender of the alliance had apparently become filled with rage at the destruction of his precious faction-fit battleship. He singlehandedly charged a single, unsupported Dreadnaught against a lowsec, completely invincible Mothership. And while he was at it, that Revelation-class Dreadnaught had nothing but cargo expanders in it’s low slots.
Flabbergasted, the alliance responded to his actions in throwing away a Capital Ship.
[ 2007.08.24 02:24:34 ] Righteous Fury > you
[ 2007.08.24 02:24:38 ] Righteous Fury > are fucking retarded
[ 2007.08.24 02:24:46 ] Akat > doesnt fucking matter, you dont do that shit
[ 2007.08.24 02:24:46 ] Scius > Why, because I'm not a coward?
[ 2007.08.24 02:24:55 ] Righteous Fury > get out of my fucking alliance, seriously
[ 2007.08.24 02:25:03 ] Righteous Fury > you have won the award for the stupidest shit ever done
[ 2007.08.24 02:25:47 ] Scius > What was I supposed to do after he popped my battleship?
[ 2007.08.24 02:25:49 ] Scius > Just go "ok"
[ 2007.08.24 02:26:13 ] Akat > well you dont throw more isk at them without a support fleet
[ 2007.08.24 02:26:14 ] Yokujin > i agree with RF here m8 =/
[ 2007.08.24 02:26:15 ] Scius > No one wants to come.
[ 2007.08.24 02:26:23 ] Righteous Fury > you know why nobody wants to come?
[ 2007.08.24 02:26:26 ] Righteous Fury > because we are in FOUNTAIN
[ 2007.08.24 02:26:31 ] Righteous Fury > FOUNTAIN IS NOT LONETREK
[ 2007.08.24 02:26:37 ] Righteous Fury > do I need to point you to a fucking map?
[ 2007.08.24 02:26:37 ] Scius > cyno.
[ 2007.08.24 02:27:45 ] Righteous Fury > you intended to kill it…
[ 2007.08.24 02:27:47 ] Righteous Fury > with a single dread
[ 2007.08.24 02:27:52 ] Scius > Hardly.
[ 2007.08.24 02:27:54 ] Akat > then what exactly did you "intend" to do?
[ 2007.08.24 02:28:13 ] Scius > Well, I assumed I would be aided, however, my call was unheard.
[ 2007.08.24 02:28:16 ] Scius > So, I died alone.
That’s right. He was so upset his ship got taken out, that he expected our whole alliance to suddenly get their capital ships up, make four cynosural jumps down, and engage an enemy, untacklable, E-war immune Super Capital in lowsec. All within three minutes. For those of you who don’t do much capital ops, the minimum time for this is easily 30 minutes. Probably closer to an hour. In three minutes, it’d be a bitch to reach him from two systems away, much less 50+.
I am shocked. This man is in my alliance. What was his defense of this blatant stupidity?
[ 2007.08.24 02:28:26 ] Scius > Most alliances I've been in don't take that lightly.
[ 2007.08.24 02:30:59 ] Scius > If you think I am stupid for defending my honor, fine.
[ 2007.08.24 02:35:58 ] Scius > Most alliances would've supported me.
Afterwards, he argued at length that losing 10 Billion isk out of stupitidy is ‘nothing’ to him like a mentally disabled child in denial of doing anything wrong. It goes to show how some people just have way too much RL money, going to buy way too much Eve Isk. He blamed the Alliance for being ‘jealous’ of his wealth, as he proceeded to buy another Dreadnaught. Presumably, he’s going to have that one killed by gate rats or something idiotic later.
[ 2007.08.24 02:39:39 ] Evelgrivion > Evidently, It is our fault that Scius decided to engage a Nyx in low-sec, with a cargo revelation with multiple billions of ISK in modules inside, when we were at minimum 4 cynosural field jumps away from offering backup.
His CEO booted him out of his corp immediately afterwards. For good measure, the guy who referred him to join the corp in question was also booted.
The full unedited Transcript of this ‘superb’ PVPer’s chat can be read here. Trust me, it’s ugly, yet hilarious in it’s own way. Hats off to you, Scius, for defending our honor by being a complete, but amusing moron.
-Aries Acheron
Nightmare: http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=126530
Revelation: http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=126531
EDIT: I got this in my inbox, shame on me.
Hello,I stand ashamed and corrected.]
Just read your latest post about the nightmare and Rev, I remember when that happened too.
Just wanted to mention one thing, you said about km's using different id's back then which is completely false.
ID's have not changed at all, back then killmails only showed destroyed items and not items that were dropped, hence only half a ship showing. You should remember this!
Anyway, I enjoy reading your blog so keep up the good work.
Trony
When this happened I was in the same corporation as Scius, Omen Incorporated, and I logged in an hour after this and was immediately told "don't say anything in alliance chat! They are furious with us right now" because we let this idiot into our corp and thus tarred the whole alliance with a bad rep.
Our CEO salvaged the situation by tossing Scius and his sponsor out of the corporation but the meme had been created and "honour tanking" is forever part of the game's lexicon.
I was there... sorta. After the fact. But close!
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