On Sunday night I was involved in a fleet and asked to bring an armour cruiser but all my Vexors were jumped out to a staging system and I had none in base. I asked to bring my Ishtar instead and got the green light for it.
Its been a long time since I've flown a tech II ship bigger than an assault frigate in a combat situation. I was nervous and twitchy. I could feel the risk aversion meter in my head climbing up and up to old levels. Gone was the carefree "and no shits were given" attitude of flying my ship.
I logged off when my time was up in the system and the last night was heading back to base when I had a second. On the gate to Nennamaila I saw a war target jump in and saw he was in a Corax. In any of my typical ships I would have engaged, even in my Daredevil. But the Ishtar? I jumped for fear there was more on the other side. But only a single Imperial Navy Slicer which cross jumped me. The opportunity was lost. I went home disgusted with myself.
Risk Aversion is the fun killer. As long as you are not flying ships you can't afford to lose and you are not taking obviously bad choices, you should engage. It is better to engage and die than not engage at all. I forgot that while flying the Ishtar. I will not again.