Last week Director Grey did some killboard stats crunching (apparently he gets the Eve withdrawal shakes at work too) and posted up the Avg Kills per Month for all members. I was 14th for being longest in corp, 37th for all time number of kills, and a dismal 55th for avg kills per month. In a corp of around 80, including about 20 alts.
It's not that I'm hiding in high sec or running complexes whilst others fight, nor is it that I die in a fire a lot (my kill to death ratio is decent). When I'm online I join fleets and go to the fight, wherever it may be (that's how I end up in Cloud Ring or Fountain at the end of the night).
No, the issue is that I just don't log in as often as my compatriots who are all ranking above me. I know if I could log in more often I could improve that metric.
October has been particularly unpleasant. Two of my Eve sessions I found a fleet and went out looking for fights and both came up empty for me, the first where the Black Ops pilot made a mistake and jumped to a hot drop instead of opening the jump bridge, and the second where our fleet flew to Fountain and found no one wanting a fight.
Then this war with the Droneland Russians comes around and this past weekend the forum is filled with reports of constant fighting and glorious amounts of killmails and I can't participate again. It kills me and I feel like I'm letting my corporation and friends down. I seriously hope that when I log in tonight there is still some fleets to join or I'm going to be pissed.
Now, don't get me wrong. No one in m3 Corp has come to me and told me to shape up or ship out. They understand my real life situation and know that not only do I try hard, I also bring some positive publicity and recognition to the corp and drive interested recruits to the website. My opinion is valued and had I been part of any other organization I would have slinked (slunk?) away to leave the more successful PvPers to their business and stop dragging down the averages.
Is there any hope on the horizon for more gaming time? Not in the foreseeable future; we can get all the kids in bed by 8:30 but almost every night has another hour of cleanup tied to it to get everything ready for the next day, and with early mornings seven days a week its hard to justify staying up late too often. I'm an old man, I need my beauty sleep dammit! Maybe in a couple years...
Alright, enough feeling sorry for myself. We're at war. The enemy is next door. And I'm logging in tonight. That's right Vodka Boys, buckle up: Uncle Kirith is coming.