I was on that POS reinforcing op on Monday night in my Wyvern. I had to log early so I logged off in a friendly system but pretty far from home (curse the Northern Coalition for being so big!).
Last night I logged in to plan my journey home and noticed reds and neutrals in system... Evoke and NCDOT! Crap! Fearful of these expert PvPer's probing me down and dropping a supercap blob on my sorry arse I logged off before I was even starting my emergency warp back to my safe spot. I didn't want to risk the chance I'd end up in a bubble and get aggro before logging off, putting me in space for 15 minutes instead of 1.
Surely, I thought, they couldn't probe me down and warp to me and kill me in 60 seconds? Confident I was safe I went to bed.
I woke up at 4am. I had a dream I found my killmail on the internet on Evoke's killboard. Holy shit, I screwed up! I woke up enough to remind myself I was in bed and didn't have a built in browser in my brain. I ran down all of the things just like last night that meant I was fine. But... what if I misunderstood the mechanics? What if there was a bug and I didn't disappear after one minute? What if I had to petition and the GMs refused to reimburse me? Would I emo-rage quit Eve? How could I go on, so disgraced?
The next two hours were me drifting in and out of sleep, visions of angry corp evemails about how could I lose the supercarrier and fruitless petitions while sitting in my pod danced in my head. I was tempted to get up and simply check Capsuleer on my iPhone to see if my wallet was bigger due to insurance payout. Then half dreamed visions of wallet balances tortured me.
Finally it was time to get up. Fully awake I had my super-ego explain to my id that everything was fine and it was merely a bad dream. I resisted the urge to check immediately and simply carried on my day, not grabbing the iPhone until I was downstairs as per normal routine. Balance was still fine. There, see? No problems.
Five minutes later I logged in to make sure Capsuleer was not wrong.
* * * * *
I'm prepared to lose the super carrier. I don't want to lose it, but I understand that using it in combat situations runs the risk of destruction and I accept that risk. I just don't want to lose it to some moronic mistake that I made.