Monday, April 25, 2005

Dalton Severely Kicked My Ass

I have a full battle report but my ftp site is being difficult and I don't feel like reconfiguring the report to use something else. I'll try to get it up later today. In the meantime, the game can be best understood by this:

A visit to the Doctor

 <Subject enters, takes a seat on the couch.>

Interviewer: Good morning Bill, how are you today?

Subject: Not so good doc.

I: Oh? Why is that now?

S: I got beat. I got beat bad. I think I'm losing it again.

I: Tell me about it.

S: Well, there's this guy. An old friend. We're both in this campaign thing, you see, and we decided it would be cool to have a couple games against each other. For sh.. er.. poops and giggles you know?

I: Yes, go on.

S: We started in BFG and...

I <interrupts>: BFG?

S: Yeah, Battlefleet Gothic. Anyway, I was teaching him the ropes and he started getting good. Then we had a big fleet engagement and he spanked me, doc, really hard.

I: Oh really? Was that your first time?

S: Um, figuratively. He didn't really spank me! I mean, I not into that stuff!

I: My mistake. Carry on.

S: So he beat me bad. Then we arranged for another big game, this time of 40K. We made a special mission, we made army lists, and last night we played the game.

I: I take it that you did not win.

S: Not win? Man, I was beat so hard and so long that I woke up last week with bruises! He annihilated me down to a small handful of models, he smacked me around and bent me over the barrel like nobody's business!

I: Figuratively, correct?

S <sighs>: Yes. Figuratively.

I: Right.

S: Anyway, I'm starting to feel like that time way back when when I had that year long losing streak. I'm feeling inadequate like I did then.

I <checks notes>: The "Infamous Losing Streak"?

S: That's the one. The guy I played last night, Dalton, he was the main architect of that horrible period. I feel like I'm going back into the bad place doc! You've got to help me! Please!

I: Well, tell me what went wrong last night.

S: I started with my Lost and the DOOMed on the board, 2000 pts. I had 1000 pt Chaos Marine list in reserve. Dalton had two marine lists. I thought I deployed ok but as I advanced on one side and got into combat, my assault failed to hit as hard as I hoped and he crushed me. I had lots of mutants, furies, and traitors but they were countered by marines and scouts and Company Masters. It was awful!

I: What about your ordnance?

S: I tried, doc, I really did! But the Helltalon took a krak missile on the second attack run and was driven off. It didn't come back til the end of the game. The basilisk was doing alright until the Thunderbolt flyer blew the Earthshaker off, and the Russ turned to avoid another flyer attack run and got hit by a multimelta to the back that I missed coming up the collapsed flank fast and hard. <S cries>

I: There there, its ok. What about the other side?

S <hysterically>: Marines, marines, and MORE marines from reserve! Thirty of them doc! THIRTY! My thirty traitor guard didn't stand a chance. A Commander and Chaplin came in to and I countered with terminators and my Chaos lord, but there was just too damn many of them!

I: I see. It must have been rough.

S: Oh it was. I collapsed like a broken folding chair.

I: Figuratively.

S <angry>: Yes figuratively!

I: So, was there any good news? Surely it wasn't all bad.

S <thinks>: Well, there was some good stuff. I killed his commander with a Traitor Guard Agitator! That was hilarious especially since my Chaos Lord and terminators failed to cause any wounds on him, and the ignored agitator whacks him for a wound in two rounds, killing him. Classic!

I: Yes indeed.

S: And my Chaos Lord survived to the end of the game, whereas I killed all of his characters. I was pleased with that.

I: You said in the past that "characters never really die, they just get badly wounded."

S: Yeah yeah, I thought you were supposed to make me feel better?

I: I won't let you lie to yourself.

S: **** you!

I: Now now, calm down. Back to the game. Was there any other good points?

S: No. That's it. It was pretty bleak.

I: Well, it says here in my notes that just a couple weeks ago you played Dalton in a 2000 pt game and you kicked his ass completely off the table.

S: Oh yeah. That's true.

I: And after that BFG loss you played a smaller rematch and came out ahead by a bit.

S: Yeah! That's right, I did!

I: So while you totally sucked the big one and became his little boy-toy for the evening, I don't think its part of a trend. Its merely turnabout is fairplay.

S: Yeah, I think you're right! I'm not a loser!

I: Well, I wouldn't go that far.

Update: Here is the battle report with pictures.

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