Here is the second draft based on feedback from corp mates and people in the community who saw the first one. A big thanks for the feedback too.
Its not exactly where I want it to be: my footage library is still small and heavily leaning towards BMTHOKK and some cap fleets I was in for structure bashing (not exactly riveting), and I'm still getting the hang of editing and transitions. But it felt cleaner and I can see that once I get some small fleet footage and some more scenic shots it will get better. Also, bonus: no PvE combat footage :)
The director in charge of recruiting is pleased with it and wants it to go to wider distribution.
(NOTE on music: Its more of the typical Eve heavy rock / numetal but the guys like it and it has spunk. )